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I'm trying to imagine something more frustrating than what happened this afternoon. I have an essay on the definition of democracy due this Thursday, so in my usual last minute way of doing things, I came to the Library today to write it. Before I sat down with my laptop, I thought that I would just get a few books from the shelves that I wanted to work from. What do I find? Every single book on my reading list has been taken out. Not one single book that I needed was available. I couldn't even get the journal articles I needed, as they don't seem to be in the libraries collection. I'm now having to try to write the essay using only the chapter on democracy in the main course textbook. It wouldn't be so bad if this was a one off, but there have been too many occasions when I have tried to find a book, only to realise that it is either on long term loan, or just not in the collection. I can't quite understand how the library thinks that it is OK to leave some books that are on reading lists off the shelves, but somehow they do.

The only good thing about this library is the wireless Internet connection that is allowing me to write this post. Anyway, aside from that rant, it's December! I can finally enjoy the festive spirit. I put Christmas music on the other day, and on Thursday, I'm going to get a small tree of some form for my desk. I'm going to try to do traditional decorations in my room (or maybe just on my tree), so I may even try to hand-make some of them. If I can cook and write long academic essays, then I don't see why I can't make a few decorations.

But back to the whole 'essay' thing. I got the mark for my first piece of course-work today. I got 70, which is apparently quite good. At least now I know that I can write essays to a decent standard. I suppose I should probably stop writing on my blog now and get back to exploring the definition of democracy. I won't have much time to work on it tomorrow, so that just leaves tonight and Wednesday.

I ended up ranting a bit yesterday about how I couldn’t get good service at a cafe that I go to every Saturday. My general point was that despite there being more important things to rant about, I should’ve got better service (it was quite an expensive cafe). But thinking about it now, I’ve sort of realised that there really are more important things to bother about. The fact that the waitress was very busy and forgot to bring me a fork and some milk is of no consequence to anything. It meant that I had to wait a few minutes before having lunch, and nothing more. But I let it become more than that. Millions of people have to walk miles just to get drinking water, then have to feed themselves for less that $1 a day. I complain when I have to walk two metres to get milk to go in a £2 cup of tea. It’s not even fair trade tea. I haven’t a clue where it was grown or how well the people who picked it were treated. I’m a hypocrite, and I’m spoilt.

When did I begin to expect that just because I’m from a fairly privileged background, I should be treated in a certain way? When did I stop drinking tea and start drinking ‘Pouchkine’? It might taste good, but so do most of the fairly traded blends offered by Clipper. I remember a few years ago watching the end of a programme about a chocolatier in London who said “and this one is organic, which has the added bonus that the farmers are treated better.” I almost shouted at the TV about how that it shouldn’t be an ‘added bonus’. Yet just yesterday, I was sitting down to a cup of ‘Pouchkine’ without even a thought for the fate of all the people involved in the production process. Somewhere, something has gone wrong.

It would be easy for me to write that from now on, I’ll only drink Fairtrade tea, etc. So I won’t. Of course there’ll be times I buy tea that has been picked by plantation workers who live in extreme poverty. But what I will write is that I’ll take my ethics seriously in future. I let them slip by frequenting this cafe every Saturday as a matter of routine. Inside me, I have an ‘activist spirit’, but it can all too often be hampered by the fact that I can afford luxuries. I just loose sight of what I say I believe in. And then I’m just saying one thing and doing another.